A place for my whims and things

Sunday, May 27, 2018

Grasping

Why do I cling to that which doesn't serve me? In so many different arenas this applies. People. Relationship dreams. I can be content within myself, but can be hard not sharing. i like to talk to people. I guess I get a little lonely, and try to remind myself that i have the best company, my own company. The clinging. The desperation. The I don't want to lose yous. Grasping, grasping.
Just let go. I can say that, and mean it, but when it comes back to it, I'm still holding on. Sometimes I just want someone to talk to, but talking to myself can sometimes be the most insightful. I think I may post old journals. I want to extend love and kindness to this cat, but I still miss Shadow and wish he were around. And then I get to thinking of the Godliness that is within all beings. And I know Shadow is out there. In my mind, and in our hearts. Shadow is within Socks too. As we are in all beings. We are all connected.
Trying to go to a prayerful place. Is the God voice I hear, is it valid? Is it like the same thing that has happened to other people when they say that God was talking to them?
I'm afraid of letting go and losing friendships, even if I'm angry and hurt, I like the reassurance I get when I hear from my friends. But I have bad feelings about so and so, he hurt my son, I think he considered hurting my daughter. Why do I need to stay in his good graces? What do I care? I'm a little curious. Where things will go. Just let go. For a while at least. See if you really need that crutch. You may be pleasantly surprised at your own strength.

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Shadow- the best friend cat

He was the best cat. All cats are best cats, but he really was the best. Always a friend. He passed away Friday, hit by a car. I bawled a few days, just remembering my friend. I don't want him to be gone. He was always available for a cuddle, and would come see me always. He had his little spot on the bed. I'll miss seeing him there.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Beginnings

And here we are again. The blocks are up. If only I were a little better, in a good place, I could create content. Just sit down and write. Don't be ashamed because you haven't written in a while. What matters is where you're at right now, and right now, you're writing.
The day is rich and full before me. I could do just about anything. Let's paint. I've always enjoyed that in the past. I don't know if art is serving me right now. I'm at a point where I want to take in other people's work, fully immerse myself in the mystery and intrigue of others. And not feel guilty for not producing like other artists. I'm not a goddamn art factory, turning out piece by piece like an assembly line. Each of my pieces means something to me. So what I don't produce produce produce. My kids are my art, and I invest my time and energy into them. So don't feel guilty that you haven't painted in a month. Or whatever. Inspiration will hit and you'll be able to art it up once again.